review of fucking firefox 3

here is the review of FIRE FOX 3: QUEST FOR THE LEAKED HANDLE, much-awaited sequel to FIRE FOX 2: MALLOC ARENA and FIRE FOX: THE FREE BROWSER ANYONE CAN EDIT, themselves semi-sequels to the cult classic PHOENIX aka FIREBIRD

first off i could not download firefox 3 through the updater and I imagine that this is simply because they are trying to set some kind of nebulous internet record and downloads through the updater wouldn't count towards their mainstream open source project CNN slow news day slashdot argument cred so they turned off the updater. i shit on this decision

this forced me to ACTUALLY CLOSE FIREFOX and open a file manually on my computer so i didn't get around to installing it until just now

BUT! I have been using firefox 3 since it was in ~βETA~¹ because I am an ~ASSHOLE~ so I am allowed to make sweeping statements about it

¹ has anyone thought to abbreviate beta as βη because i think that's clever does anyone else think so no okay forget i brought it up

the first beta of fire fox 3 was really good because they fixed it so it doesn't use hardly no memory (I REMIND YOU THIS WAS THE POINT OF THE PHOENIX/FIREBIRD PROJECT IN THE FIRST PLACE) but then they fixed that and now it leaks more memory than a whistleblower inside the elephant industry so forget that.

also changed in this version is the USER INTERFACE which has been refined and perfected over several revisions so now it looks like it's made of FAIRY GREASE and can no longer be USED. in the different betas the thing which changed the most was the user interface because they let mac people work on firefox.

the patch I submitted to fix the xpcom handle leak back around 1.5 is still getting marked "add in next major revision" every time they put out a major revision

new features include:

1. i can't go to websites because it says it's a phishing hacker code phreak web page and when i click "go there anyway" it tries to refresh the page and i get the same warning
2. sometimes if you load a page you get a blank page instead and it says "done" but you're just looking at an empty pointless white expanse like being on stage at a punk rock concert and this is because it mysteriously loses the handle to the request it just made and doesn't load the page.
3. the back and forward buttons are different
4. even more of the user interface is written in honest-to-god javascript which is not JIT compiled or anything. at this rate firefox 4 will have to run inside a web browser
5. there is a picture of some kind of open source guy and you click him and he does a dance and says dont buy miscrosocft sQL server
6. i can't get a bunch of stuff to work

OVERALL
PROS: that back and forward button looks all windows vista and sometimes firefox uses less memory than the older versions but sometimes it goes like WHUPP and sucks up 273 mega bytes in less than a second and you say "fuck this" and you think about calling that girl youve been seeing to ask if she wants to go to the nature forest park preserve but instead you get involved in an internet debate and then you go to bed and lie there and think about the utter lack of a turnaround your life has taken ever since you started telling yourself you were undergoing a paradigm shift.
cons: its kind of bad and usually it doesn't work too good and all in all it is made of candy necklaces pulled from a mans ass if you know where I am saying and that is a harsh brew of flavors indeed for a man of letters on a midsummer nights eve

all in all i give fire fox 3 a score of three U+2605 BLACK STARs and two U+2606 WHITE STARs ★★★☆☆

(no subject)

Dear Microsoft,

Why is the keyboard shortcut for switching keyboard layouts Ctrl-Shift. This is specially designed to make sure I'll accidentally hit it when I retype something by hitting Ctrl-A Shift-[A-Z]. For pity's sake.

Augh,
Tony

And now, off to a place.